The Power of the ‘Reframe’
The Power of the ‘Reframe’
An Ode to Hathaway
By: Lexie Beckstrand
(Estimated Read Time: 2 - 5 minutes)
In what feels like another life, I was a theater kid. I absolutely loved my high school drama teacher, Mr. Hathaway. He was the main reason I continued with the performing arts beyond high school all the way through most of undergrad (though if I had the luxury of time travel, I would at least consider other pursuits: I could’ve been a star on the debate team, as I’m sure many of my therapy clients would attest).
I loved Hathaway because he engaged with his students like we were proper adults. It rarely seemed like he was putting on a teacher’s hat: he was just bein’ Mr. H, telling his actors- often bluntly- that we looked some shade of dumb and needed to “make other choices” to be more convincing in our roles.
I don’t know whether Hathaway was familiar with Aaron Beck’s Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, but when I reflect on that time, I realize he would often draw on CBT principles in our drama classes. The idea that our thoughts, feelings, and behaviors are interwoven was integral to our lessons. He encouraged us to be mindful, to take deep breaths, and to be grounded in our bodies. He talked about the importance of staying present so we might react to our fellow actors from a ‘true’ place. He asked us to notice and to respond. Notice, and respond. He’d challenge us to intentionally do something silly that would take us out of autopilot. For example, as a warm-up exercise, he might’ve asked the class to spread out on stage and try walking around as if we were leading with a random body part, like our knees, or our heads, or our elbows- rather than our hips or our feet. He’d ask us to notice how the different gaits might change our frame of mind. How did we feel when we intentionally behaved differently? Mr. Hathaway wanted to know.
Mr. Hathaway was also my introduction to this critical CBT tenet: if you can change your thought about an experience, you have the power to change your feeling about that same experience. In one post-rehearsal notes session, I complained to him about a line that made me feel shockingly stupid to say aloud. I was cast as Emily in Thornton Wilder’s Our Town. If you’re unfamiliar with this play, Emily gives a heartfelt soliloquy about the fleeting nature of life, the importance of being truly present, and realizing the gift inherent in each and every moment of aliveness. Near the end of this soliloquy, the actor playing Emily is tasked with saying: “Goodbye world!”
Dear Reader, I found this line exceptionally funny. Goodbye, world? Goodbye! World! GOODBYE, WORLD! I was unable to find the tone or inflection that made the line seem sincere- which is very much how it is intended to be delivered. When I told Mr. H that I simply couldn’t do it, and maybe we should cut it because it was honestly one too many goodbyes in a long stream of goodbyes in the monologue, Mr. Hathaway looked me dead in the eye and said, “You can decide to make this your favorite line.”
I cannot remember how I took the feedback at the time, or whether I was able to deliver the line with impact. I know we didn’t cut the line, and that specific show and rehearsal process remain a bright spot in my memory. I can also tell you that to this day- nearly 16 years later- I find myself saying “make it your favorite” in the same way one might quietly say a prayer to themselves. Of course, these specific words don’t neatly apply to every instance that may cause anxiety, but it’s now a heuristic: a short-hand for reminding myself that I am equipped with the power to influence how I feel. Whether he meant to or not, Hathaway taught me a lesson about a strength inherent to the human psyche: we can reframe.
The next time you’re faced with irritation, frustration, uncertainty, fear of embarrassment, or vulnerability- remember that it costs you nothing to think of some challenges as opportunities. What happens if you welcome the challenge, rather than seeing it as something that “shouldn’t” be happening? Keep in mind that life will offer a continual stream of new problems- and you almost certainly have what it takes to handle them. See if you can “make it your favorite”.
About the Author
Lexie Beckstrand is a Licensed Professional Counselor seeing clients based in Washington, D.C., and Virginia. As a therapist for couples and individuals, Lexie employs curiosity and unconditional positive regard in her work: she encourages clients to uproot old patterns that no longer serve them and to cultivate a value set that enables them to lead lives with intention and purpose.
